Cardamom Tango

But something I've been doing has been working.

For years, I struggled with keeping my energy up.  I would commit to do something I truly wanted to do, and even things that related to a passion, and find myself just not doing it.  My favorite way to avoid the things I needed to do was by reading online.  It wasn't for a love of reading, because I would avoid the books I wanted to read.  And it wasn't a terrible habit, because a lot of good came out of it, such as Cardamom Tango herself.  The amount of time I was spending online was a problem, however, and I knew that it wasn't the internet that was calling me.  It was one thing that summoned me when my energy dropped.

Now, I am doing things like writing on a daily basis, keeping my home presentable, composting, cooking at home instead of eating out, and avoiding being snappy at The Exotic Foreigner.  What changed?

Several things.  Not only did the internet summon me when my energy levels dropped, but so did caffeine.  I haven't cut out caffeine entirely, but it has been replaced as my go-to remedy.  Instead, I get some exercise.  If I am home, I turn on the Wii Fit and give myself 30 minutes fun playtime with the only requirement being that I get moving.  It doesn't have to be a lot of exercise.  I just need to move.  At work, I have the freedom to take a walk if I need to, or walk the stairs if it's ugly outside.

The other change came at the suggestion of my life coach.  I don't want to write too much about our conversation, but the bottom line is that there was a very large part of me who did not want to waste hours away, and who knew that this was feeding low energy.  Instead of banning internet, as I'd tried to do, I banned the internet from the me that feels guilty about it.  At the very moment that I feel guilty about spending the time on the internet, I leave.  This is a terrible explanation, because sometimes we feel guilty when we should not.  I guess the difference is that at my core self, and in this situation, I experienced "guilt" as the manifestation of the feeling that I did not actually want to be on the internet, but was there to avoid something else.

I took a break from cleaning up the kitchen to write about this.  It's a great freedom to know that I can do that.